I posed this question today on TheRoShow in response to the large numbers of African American women that I see who are single, successful yet lonely! My purpose for addressing this issue is not suggest that every woman is desperate and in need of a man. It was not I but rather that God who suggested that its not good for man/woman to be alone. The larger much broader issue is the impact of chronic separation in the black family unit! My goal for this article is to help to bridge the gap between men and women so that we can restore the family unity and progress in exponential ways!
There are those who may be wondering what qualifies me as an expert on this subject…Although I am divorced I have been married and currently live my life as a single black male in pursuit of a wife to spend the rest of my life with. I will admit that I have been a player for many years prior to arriving at the point where I am finally ready to settle down and find a wife that suits my needs. Therefore I have been on more dates than the average man I’m sure and dated a large variety of personality types. My gift and passion as a mindset guru and life coach has given me an extra insight to behavior patterns that produce different results. I have intimately studied what causes success versus failure in everything from finances to life and especially love. I belong to a black fraternity that is notorious for having lots of women at their disposal. I have had the personal experience of hearing the explanations in private rooms where men talk freely about their decision to get married or to not get married to a particular woman. My research is certainly informal but I believe that it is on point and very accurate in terms of my assessment. I am confident that when you are done reading this article you will also agree that it is on point and even if you don’t agree you will definitely have acknowledge that it has substance and is worth considering as you make future judgments going forward.
Let me begin by laying the foundation for the average mans mentality. There are 7 women in nature created to every one man, therefore the odds that a man will have multiple women over his lifetime are pretty clear if that man has any game whatsoever! Prior to ever making the decision to settle down a man typically has multiple women that hes dating at any given time whether he has a girlfriend or not. In most cases he has a main girl and other side pieces that he entertains when it is convenient for all parties. Naturally the main woman doesn’t know about the others but if the man is intelligent the others usually know about her. You may be saying to yourself if your a lady that that man is a dog and he is wrong for being dishonest. I would venture to say that the average man may know that he shouldn’t do this but in his heart of hearts having and juggling multiple relationships is natural to him therefore its easy internally for him to do it in most cases. Men have the capacity to love multiple women at the same time. Ladies you may not want to hear this but we do! This capacity is biblically supported. All of Gods primary advocates had multiple wives and as black people we come from a culture of polygamy! Our nature is to manage that. We live in a western culture therefore we’ve been nurtured to be monogamous. The battle that we face is that our nature doesn’t agree with the nurturing therefore most men will cheat without feeling bad in the process! It is what it is!
Women are probably saying at this point…”Whats good for the goose is good for the gander!” I will say that women have been nurtured to date multiple men at the same time because in todays world it takes several men to create one good one in most cases! Therefore women have been nurtured to compensate to satisfy all of their needs but the truth is that your nature calls you to be complete with just one man!
The best way to explain the difference and the natural order of things is to look at how God created the the soil in relationship to the farmer and different seeds. The woman’s womb is like the rich soil of the earth it was created to bring forth the fruit of a healthy seed and as a farmer, men understand that to plant multiple seeds from different tillers in the same soil is an abomination therefore we frown on you doing the same thing! A man can however plant multiple seeds and nurture them all if he has the capacity. To confirm that this is divinely possible we only need evaluate the fact that the woman can only carry one seed at a time and for a season in her life while the man has the power to impregnate multiple woman at one time at the same time. I didn’t create this truth I am just the messenger!
Now here’s my point with all of this! When a man finally decides to all of a sudden settle down and be with one woman he in most cases has never properly diminished the habit he has formed while he was single and juggling multiple women.
Ladies if you understand this truth…i’m not saying that you have to like just understand it and respect the fact that this is what you are up against. The way that you can get a man to finally make the decision to settle down despite all of the outside influences that distract his full attention is do the following. What I am going to share is a sure fire method to beat out all of the other women for a concrete faithful man in the end!
1.Stop trying to catch him cheating and raising hell because you are suspicious! You cant stop him if he his! All this does is make you a source of stress rather than a space for his peace of mind!
2.Spend your energy playing your game and being who you are without taxing him in that area. Do whatever you need to do to protect your heart in the process.
3.A man will not marry you because the sex is good! Ironically that is the least factor in his decision making process! At the end of the day if hes been around hes had enough good sex to be immune to that vice beyond seeking it when he needs to release!
4.Figure out what hes trying to accomplish and become an integral player in the outcome of his goals. Help him achieve the financial success that he seeks to be a better provider. I’m suggesting that you pay all the bills and take care of him because he will resent that in the end and most likely cheat to feel more empowered! A man needs to feel like a man. He has a need to be a man and be your rock! It hurts when its any other way! When you are responsible for keeping the money flowing he will think twice about how he deals with you!
5.You want to be a wife? Don’t pressure him to get married! Men hate that! We hate feeling like we are trapped! We wanna feel like its our decision not yours! PERFORM THE DUTIES OF A WIFE AND A MAN WILL RECOGNIZE THAT! I don’t know man in his right mind who would consider locking a woman who is cooking, helping keep him organized and helping him make money that would let that type of woman go without a fight!
6.Most women spend there time raising hell about whats not right or whatever their issues are rather than focusing on being peace of mind and the rock that is responsible for taking his life to the next level! If you do that ladies his own consciousness and better judgment will cause him to drop everybody else and wife you up!
Finally let me offer this message to older women who wonder why men keep choosing younger women versus someone their own age! Usually by the time a woman has matured she has been used and abused by so many men that she loses her ability to give a new man a chance to be different! Most older women get so particular and have already figured out what personality type you are that they never get to know you! They categorize you into the experience that they had with your personality type! Also most older women are in a rush to get married and put too much pressure and emphasis early on to that effect. This frightens the average man and causes him to back up prematurely! The truth of the matter is that if older women stop being bitter and stuck in the past and live again for the moment…you have the power to beat out a chick half your age because if you would allow yourself to do so you really know what a real man needs! You just are reluctant to give it too him and for good reason! I totally understand. You just need to find a balance between the old and the new and watch the results change! Thanks for your time and your constant support of my post!-RO…No Ceilings!
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